Sushi and Welcoming 2010 my Year!

It has been my experience that Sushi really brings people together. Just think about it. Sushi is exotic. It is far from the norm, and certainly out of most peoples comfort zones. Sushi is flavorful. Sushi is unique. Sushi has textures that blow your mouth away. When you can find someone that gets past the fear of raw fish, you find wonder and idealism and an all and all genuine budding friend.

Sushi has become so much more to me. It is a metaphor for my life. Accepting that wild and spontaneous allure of a dish is choosing to accept that wild and spontaneous person in me. I do not claim to be a run of the mill woman. Sure I hold traditional values, but I can be as unpredictable as each hand crafted sushi roll. I am a mouthful. Since there is so much of me offered, so many flavors to discover, I attempt to be openly opinionated and outspoken with the goal of filling palates with a sense of joy. And I believe that a meal of my caliber shows great judgment of character.

Just a few months ago a simple sushi moment in time occurred awakening a part of me I had buried. My heart felt warm and fuller. And now as I sit and document my stream of consciousness I couldn’t ask to be in a better place.



2010 is proving to be a very promising year. I might even venture to say that it’s my year. There is no major landmark age to look forward to. No major sporting event to partake in. No life-changing moment that I foresee. All of this is a great omen. Drama is pushed to the backburner and I have time to focus on my relationships that matter. I can nurture and cherish these special people. One of them being me.

For the past few years I have been very closed off. I built the wall of China around my giving nature. I had defenses on high alert and didn’t allow people to scratch the surface of who I was. My failed relationships proved to me that time and work created a huge let-down. Whenever I got scared (and this was often) it was time to count on the only person I could, me. I pushed people far away. I wanted them out of my life, but any means possible. So I removed myself. I stopped calling, emailing, what have you. The easiest way to make a person forget you is to have them angry with you. I became the last person they probably wanted to talk to.

I am not meant to be alone. But that’s what I created. And I became angry with myself for sabotaging opportunity after opportunity. Mix in some of the difficulties of life and the shell of a person I didn’t want to be became me. I have never had an out of body experience for a near death. However I did experience something of that nature around Christmas. I broke through that shell, cracked it right on open and saw me standing there all shiny, new, and smiling.

Ever since that moment I have cherished every day that I wake up. My sun is a little brighter. My mood is just a little bit happier. My world is worth it. For so long I have been suppressing that side of me that is vulnerable, the side that loves unconditionally, that side that understands a true blessing and fights to accept and appreciate it no matter what challenges arise. I am mostly positive, still fiery and passionate, but have a real zest for life.

So back to my Sushi Metaphor. It is absolutely amazing what this moment in time has done for me. There is not one day that I am not extremely thankful to feel this way for someone. We may not be perfect, but I have no doubt in my mind that this is exactly what I was looking for. Search is over! And that is the most comforting feeling that could possibly exist.

"To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness." ~Robert Brault

Lots to Say Very Small Space to Do So

I think I blinked and all of a sudden the countdown reads twelve days until Christmas. There have been many reasons to blog my little fingers off, but I rarely sit down to put in text the vast workings of my mind.

Obviously my silence has been lifted. I write now to you dear friend about the journey I have made on this 25th year.

2009 was the year of the Unexpected for Me.

I moved out of the p-rents abode... into my own slice of heaven. A condo community known as the Colonies. I appreciate my space and the luck of finding one of the shortest commutes known to womankind. Work is just a hop, skip, and jump away.

What makes my place super homey is the little bundle of joy that I welcomed in my life. When people visit they hear the pitter patter of little paws as my baby puppy races to great them. He is a very social guy. He loves to give kisses and he compliments my life nicely.

I totally went to Vegas. Got to scope out the Playboy Club and sing The Phantom of the Opera. What happens in Vegas certainly stays there. It was a great experience and I am certainly glad I chose to fly on in. (I don't do much flying anymore)

I met someone special. It's been a while since I have admitted 'feeling' or 'falling' Dare I even say Love. I really do feel like a princess. I am taken care of and cared for and he doesn't know the vastness of what that means to me.


I will be attending the DC 101 Downtown Countdown. It remains to be documented what shall occur there. All i know is I get my fairy tale kiss at midnight. Bring it on 2010!


Leaps and bounds. That is my life. It is moving forward and I look forward for more to come!

IPods and Gen Y... Set Music Free in the Workforce!

“Whistle while you work.” Enter Walt Disney’s Snow White. She sings this song while diligently sweeping the dust from the floor.

It's official. Adults have many mundane and undesirable responsibilities. However this does not mean a person can not enjoy the tasks at hand. Studies have actually shown that music enhances job performance.

Bursting out into song was Snow White’s only remedy for curbing her boredom and raising her spirits.

Such is not the case for Generation Y. Ours is the age of the IPOD. Many companies continue to look down upon this phenomenon. They do not understand that an IPOD is considered a part of your person. For Generation Y music and daily life go hand in hand.

Consider this, the state of being human means living daily on a mood to mood basis. It would make sense to me that a happy and energized person will effectively get more done, then their tired and irritated counterpart.

Certain music possesses the ability to wake up the body and mind. With that being said music can act as a healthy substitute for that daily cup of coffee or caffeine induced drink of choice. Music also serves as a socializing deterrent. Sitting at ones desk with headphones and an IPOD helps the focus stay on what is in front rather then possible side conversations happening around the office.

Music is an integral part of any day. And most of the population including the ‘older generations’ incorporate it in some shape or form, whether it be listening to the radio on the way home, in the background of some TV show or movie, or even while working out. It should come as no surprise that music can and does enhance ones job.

So what is hold up? Why do many Companies ban our lifeblood of music? A little bird told me that older generations are ‘set’ in their ways. They have a terribly hard time with accepting our youthful nature and our want to change the status quo, I believe for the better.

And instead of having an open-ended company conversation about the pros and cons of incorporating what we as Gen Y hold important most Bosses make a fairly closed minded decision that can badly hurt company morale. They site reasons such as music is distracting to productivity, headphones are annoying while trying to get someone’s attention, and an employee might miss a phone call due to not hearing the ring. All of these reasons are valid and have probably occurred at some point, but 9 times out of 10 it is the person not the IPOD.

Generation Y has grown up with IPOD’s on our hips. We are very aware of our surroundings and surely are not going to ignore someone trying to grab our attention, especially if it is a boss.

So why punish the IPOD? What does the IPOD do besides provide music to better moods and stimulate a better work environment? It’s about time the professional workforce heeds this ever-so-important memo!

The World is Big and We all Matter

Dreams can really take over. They sneak up and suck you back into places you don’t want to acknowledge. Just last night, I vividly experienced a moment of time where my subconscious shrieked “act differently you know better!” Certain people, while ultimately forever apart of your past do not deserve a spot in your immediate present. However, these people for as long as they exist in this lifetime, will impact the bigger picture.

I woke up this morning and took a good long look in the mirror. My reflection showed a confident woman, a woman ready to take on the challenges ahead with her ever inquisitive mind.

Being accountable for humanity is a tiring job. But every person, whether they accept this task or not, play a part in our survival. The reality is human beings make tons and tons of small decisions throughout a day. And these decisions impact the quality and even duration of life. No one really knows when the most mundane of tasks and the likely choice to ignore it creates a catastrophic downward spiral spinning the equilibrium out of whack. All humanity matters. As should the idea that there is a happy medium between the ‘self’ and the ‘community’.

I believe it takes a deeper kind of love and commitment first and foremost to oneself in order to understand the love and commitment involved in a community.

This all starts with a simple exercise. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask this simple question. If I stepped back and was outside myself, would I truly be friends with the person I am? I view the constant battle to respect oneself a hassle for a lifetime. But rest assured that by living to see another sunrise, there will be people that make the struggle worth it. That give a purpose.

The moral of this string of thoughts. Love yourself. Love your Community. Be proud to be part of humanity, a world where everyone makes a difference.


"Man - a being in search of meaning." ~Plato

April's Fool

I am a fool. A straight-up fool. There is no way to deny this simple fact. And frankly, what better time to admit my fool nature then the day of ‘the fool.’ It all started with a silly date. My first date. To most it would seem pretty tame. We went to go see a movie, held hands, and chatted. As the days passed and we were together longer he became my best friend. It took us a month to even kiss. Who does that I know? To be honest that was probably the best kiss I have ever had. The kiss that tipped me over the edge and introduced me to love. Not the I want to have sex with you because my hormones are racing lust; love. No, this was me wanting to be a better person because I was around him love. He was my world and at the time I could have been anything so long as it was with him. He inspired me in ways I can not even articulate in this blog. To this day I can still look back at our relationship and smile. He created this invisible bar (which has been with me ever since.) And apart of me will always love him, for how he has impacted me, even at this moment. When I am upset, and need to think of a truly amazing and life-altering moment in my life I can always pinpoint that kiss. Two completely nervous teens. One inflatable couch. Giggling friends outside the room holding the door shut. The meeting of our eyes. The soft touch of his lips. And my realization that cherishing these moments in time are what make life precious. What he doesn’t know is that I wrote him a 5 page letter thanking him. He has been my muse for many a poem and many a journal entry.

Love makes me a fool. It sucks me in and I let it. I have no breaks. I try to create road-blocks and obstacles and somehow it seeps in. I want nothing more then to live this past again. To make it my present. To find that person who can inspire me to do wondrous things. I want my life to make a difference in someone else’s life. I want to bring them the joy that I feel thinking about love. All this is foolish. But, I don’t care. Call me a fool. It will not change my determination, my drive, or my desire to manifest my love. I will wait for that person that looks at me and sees me. That shys away from that initial kiss. That I get nervous just being around because they make my skin tingle and my face feel like its on fire. That person that talks to me about all my ridiculous and opinionated follies.

Until then I will fondly relive my awakening. The immortal kiss of my very life.


“A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke-and that the joke is oneself.” ~Clifton Paul Fadiman

Cosmo Antics

It’s official. The female relationship bible has condemned traditional romance and monogamy. Cosmo now claims that more women then ever are cheating on significant others. (This is if you can find someone that wants to be mutually exclusive.) But, who can really blame these women when all anyone seems to care about anymore is getting more. We are a generation of the “gimmie, gimmie, gimmie” mentality. We want to take as much as possible and gratify ourselves to the point of morality exploding. Self-respect, hurled right out the window for a nice piece of ass. Please pardon my candidness. But, I believe the blunter I am the better.

This type of behavior makes me want to smack these people over the head with a whack-a-mole mallet. Where is the depth and character that makes up being human? Have most of us decided that animal instincts dominate wit? Are those of us that value healthy intact relationships doomed to walk the earth disappointed and disillusioned? My sources sadly point to yes.

Real change only occurs when a person chooses to take action and responsibility for poor decisions. This lady has been hurt time and time again. So much so, that at times life seems completely dismal and pointless. I think this is a totally normal reaction to the lack of caring in the world today. How can anyone have a Disney-animated sing-song happy attitude 24/7 with bad vibes in the very air we breathe? I wouldn’t be surprised if these negative toxins floating around cause much ill will.

Not that relationships are in any way easy. Human interaction takes a good deal of effort. And it really doesn’t matter what type of relationship you form with a person it will take effort to sustain it. Really caring about someone is a choice. In a perfect world a person might find someone who ‘gets them’ and then reap the benefits. Read any sort news and you will discover the world is far from perfect.

People lie. There is an actual study that claims a person will lie an average of two to three times in a ten minute conversation. Why? Because women like to make people feel good and men like to make themselves look better. The moral of my story is to be yourself. I don’t want to hear what someone thinks I want to hear.

Being able to have a healthy relationship with anyone begins at being able to be honest with them and more importantly yourself. It requires you to respect yourself. The minute you can look yourself in the mirror and truly like the reflection is the moment of clarity needed to find that special connection. And I don’t just mean romantically. A true friend is not going to ‘cheat on your friendship.’ The friend that can show tact in your interaction, that can communicate openly and freely without jabs at your character, that loves you for your faults and shortcomings, and that works to stay a part of your life… that is a pure and true relationship.

It is this model relationship that has the potential to transcend into a loving romantic endeavor. This is why I believe Cosmo is onto something and this should be a wake-up call to us all. If you are not capable of being a loving friend don’t expect to be capable of being a loving like-partner. Love and acceptance does not come from meaningless sex and trying to use this as a catalyst into a relationship will only get you burned. Inside and quite possibly out.

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.” – Dr. Suess

Oh Women!

As one of my classy and refined role models, Sher, from Clueless boldly states “I’m surfing the crimson wave.” Amazing how an east coast Barbie can partake in an all-inclusive female worldwide extravaganza. In light of this oh so mood altering occasion I would like to take the opportunity to fire my uterus.

I think most of us would agree that the essence of womanhood requires an extraordinary amount of patience. But, some of us don’t want to surf anymore. This lady would revel in a life void of recurring bodily sporting events. It’s like every month or so some agitated egg (not given the chance to blossom into mini me) wreaks havoc. I’m convinced it takes on a very aggressive and hostile personality. Obviously a laid-back sweetheart, my temple will not tolerate violence. Kicking and screaming the whole way my number one enemy is expelled.

This process leaves me tired, annoyed, and in diapers. Well, I think dear reader you get the gist.

Women deserve to be treated like the amazing people that they are. The pure determination and persistence in exsisting within a body that wears and tears month in and month out is something to write home about. Is it too much to ask for a little understanding? For a little compassion? For the intelligence to keep ones mouth shut at all times?

Let’s face it. Women are a big deal. And this simple fact becomes lost in the utter disrespect our younger generations have for one another. I am no ones ‘Bitch.’ If I wanted to be a female dog I might just have to stab myself in the arm with a pencil, ensue lead poisoning, physically die… and then will myself to reincarnate into a pit-bull… so I could then sink my jaws straight into the ass of the offender who started me on this downward spiral.

Wake up World. It’s time to bring the R back into R E S P E C T! My advice, find some wonderful woman, some stressed out looks like her eyes are bulging straight out of her head real woman, and say ‘Thank you for being you!”


“Never be afraid to sit awhile and think.” ~Lorraine Hansberry