Hello Fellow Bloggers. I am pleased to be joining the ranks of the those that share their innermost thoughts in cyberspace. First let me properly introduce myself. I am A Barbie Girl in A Barbie World. What I mean by this is that in knowing how fake society is I am another young women drowning in the utter abyss that is life.
This post is directed specifically at the "dating scene." Today millions of fish in the sea are searching for their special counterpart. Or are they? It seems to me that my generation are highly lacking the social skills to pull off being nice, or god-forbid jump into a healthy meaningful relationship. So in light of this crazy concept of the *non-date* I wanted to share some personal stories of woe.
First of all as a woman I must confess that the caliber of men that I run into on a daily basis is highly lacking. Most of them do not have the balls to even have a bullshit conversation, let alone hold my attention span for more then 30 seconds. It's like they have half a brain.
I don't quite know how to type the right words per-say, but any man worth persuing has to be aggressive. We women want a man that is going to say what's really on his mind and speak up for himself. But, we also want a man who can be sensitive to our needs and talk to us about things that are deep.
Here is my first story of dating DON'TS...
Recently I met a guy that seemed normal enough. We went to a bar with my friends. He was very Nice as went the general consensus. But he was like having a damn lap-dog. Everywhere I went, he went. It's like he was trying to become my siamease twin. I am an individual and need my bubble to not be invaded.
I tell this gentleman that I will call him the next weekend sometime to hang out. Friday comes along and what happens. He calls me. Pretty early in the afternoon, leaves a message complaining that he's bored. OK so his boredom is not my problem. He has other friends so why is he trying to merge into my circle. Plus I told him I'd call him. Folks I mean what I say so I of course went along with my day. He calls again at like 10 pm that night. BAD FORM!!! So Saturday rolls around. I'm in bed chilling. He calls me around noon. No message. Calls me again at 7pm. I'm thinking what a stalker. Granted it is still the weekend and I did say that I was going to call. Now it's Sunday. I'm getting ready to call him back. He beats me to the punch, called when I was in the shower. Leaves a very pathetic message saying he can't believe I lied to him. At this point he has officially pissed me off. New verdict, no my friends I am definitely not calling him back. Stalking someone is not sexy, it's just plain freaky. DON'T DO IT!!!
Story Number 2 Deals with "Down-Syndromed Monkey Boy". Most of the time he looks so drugged out it's absolutely replusive. In fact, the sight of him makes me sick to my stomach. This particular winner feels that in every situation he is some sort of victim. He views life as this means to an end. He has flat out said he doesn't plan on living past 40 and what's the point. The really sad and pathetic part of this tragic paragraph is that I actually wasted my time caring about someone like this. DON'T put up with anyone's bullshit. DON'T let them make you feel that you are wrong in how you act, think, or feel. This is the classic story of opposites that should never attract. Maybe the *vomit that forms in my mouth* could have been avoided many years ago.
This next don't I hold dear to my heart. The Flake. The guy who calls you up at 2 or 3 in the morning drunk for a booty call. But, then when you call him in proper lady-like hours in the day, he never answers his phone. Not only that but you get sent to a full voice mailbox. What other sketchy things could this "gentleman" be doing that his voice mail is full and you only hear from him while under the influence. This guy always seems to somehow get pissed off when you decline his advances and stay in your own bed. DON'T sell yourself short of what you deserve and its not him.
Finally in this edition I feel like honoring the easy lay. The recyclable and reusable ex that degrades themselves to your every whim. You call this fellow up and he's at your door in the blink of an eye. This guy has no self-respect and tries to forever get you back into a carebear relationship. He will even cry and degrade himself in front of you. DON'T date a pussy ladies. You already have your own, you don't need a second.
This is coming from a lady who is completely straight and loves the cock. So Strictly Dickly is the way to be for me.
In signing out I only have these words of wisdom
"Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolly, Lolly, Lolly... LOLLYPOP"
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2 comments:
Oh, lady, this post was awesome. I definitely laughed out loud while reading this manifesto.
Why do I find it so funny? Because, sistah, you are preachin' to the choir. Boy oh boy, could I add add a few extra winners to the list, such as (I shall try to keep it brief):
1) The Stereotypical Mediterranean Alpha Male (granted, not all mediteranean men are like this). Seems very exotic, unique, and mysterious on the outside, but after a couple cruddy months of dating you realize what an "Old World" prick he is. Thinks all women should be barefooted and in the kitchen, and the only female he has the slightest modicum of respect for is his goddamn Mother (who, by the way, treats you and any other girls he's dated before like scum because you're "not good enough"). Gag me with a spoon.
2) The Playboy. Has moderately good lucks and a killer sense of humor, so right off the bat he seems nice enough. And then, it hits--- after a few weeks you realize through the grapevine that he's fucking half of Northern Virginia. Wrap the package before delivery, buddy.
3) The Woman-Hater. Had his poor little heart broken after getting cheated on, and has secretly never gotten over it--- because he is so self-absorbed and immature that he fails to realize he's not the only one in the world who's gotten fucked over in a relationship, boo friggin' hoo. As a result, he has decided to get his revenge on the entire female race, which he ultimately acts out by dating boring, non-challenging women, sleeping around on them and ultimately treating them like shit for a personal kick. Then, astoundingly, he complains to his mindless male counterparts about how boring the dating scene is and how he "just wants a nice girl."
4) The Recovering Nerd. Was a huge loser in high school who probably got picked on a lot, but slowly learned how to be "cool" in college (he probably joined a frat). Doesn't have much game, secretly has lots of insecurity issues, and feels better about himself when surrounded by empty-headed, bleach-blonde Barbie babes. Entices women by bragging about how much money he makes, which usually doesn't get him past the first date.
These men are some real gems to watch out for, too! But you pretty much nailed this one, woman, and on most of your points I entirely agree with you. Man, I haven't had a laugh like this in a while.
Oh Christ. Let's add the Mama Boy to the list. I'd write an explanation for him. BUT I DON'T HAVE TO.
Nice job girlfriend.
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