“Everybody makes mistakes… Everybody has those days… Nobody’s perfect you live and you learn it.”
If it weren’t for the fact that Miley Cyrus is almost 10 years my junior and not the true author of this quote I’d say that she has some pretty solid advice. Day in and day out I try and get by. But as stated above not all days are something to write home about.
Some days make me so crazy I feel like my head is going to explode. Simply because the more complex my life gets the more introspective I get. I am the perpetual thinker. I will analyze and break down anything you throw at me. This is very dangerous and probably causes me to push many people away. The truth is my inner self is scared.
I can create any solid exterior I want, but this isn’t going to save me from little cracks. A crush here, a good friend there, and then the scariest crack…falling for someone. I think that I have experienced this sensation twice in my life. I can not claim to know if it was puppy love or possibly a deep affection for someone.
Lately I’ve been living in a haze. I have been avoiding the inevitable. My mom has always told me that sometimes you need to make a decision with your head even if your heart says otherwise.
My problem right now is not that I’m not listening to my head. It’s that my personality is such that I want to help. I don’t want to leave someone that I’ve cared about lost. Honestly though, me cutting ties will probably be the best for all of us.
I have no doubt that someday they will all have to grow up. Someday it will all get old.
But for me Someday is Now. I’m on my path and I’m moving along. All of these people have made imprints in my life. And I will appreciate them all for it.
I have this want to write down everyone’s names that I’m letting go. Then I can blow up a balloon and set them free. Free from sight, free from mind, free to be who they want, and make me free to be me.
"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." -Dolly Parton
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1 comment:
Jen,
It's like Eric Fill once told me when I was having endless problems and drama with Will--- "You can't turn shit into gold."
With love, work, school, and life in general, you can't try and turn back the inevitable; to make a silly and dumbed down example, it's like this: Vern Troyer will never be drafted to the NBA. Perez Hilton will never lust after the ladies. Life is what it is. The more you fight it, trying to make things what they're not and never will be, the more miserable you become... Take this from someone who knows, and someone who's gone down that same path MANY times before. Do yourself a favor and move on.
I wish all the best to ya, and I hope things are all right.
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